Billie Eilish Says She’s ‘Never Been Dumped’ But Hates Who She Is When She’s ‘in Love’

Billie Eilish is opening up about love to Lana Del Rey.

In a May conversation with Del Rey, 38, for Interview magazine released on Thursday, Eilish, 22, dishes on relationships and her new album, Hit Me Hard and Soft. 

Her album’s third track, “CHIHIRO,” is titled after an animated character from Spirited Away, with her name meaning “a thousand questions” in Japanese. This left Del Rey wondering if Eilish leaves her lovers with a thousand questions when their relationship ends, vice versa, or if it’s split 50-50.

“Is it more dangerous to fall in love with you?” she asks Eilish. “Or is it more dangerous for you to fall in love?”

Even Eilish doesn’t have an exact answer.

“I don’t even know,” the “Ocean Eyes” singer admits. “I think 50-50 is probably accurate. I literally hate who I am so much when I’m in love.”

Eilish’s last relationship was with The Neighborhood’s Jesse Rutherford, whom she split from after less than a year of dating, ET confirmed in spring 2023.

“We can confirm Billie and Jesse did split amicably and remain good friends,” their reps told ET in a statement at the time. “All cheating rumors are false. Both are currently single.”

Since the breakup, Eilish has not officially put a label on her sexuality and told Rolling Stone that she’s uninterested in dating anytime soon, but she has been spotted cozying up to actress Odessa A’zion and social media star Quenlin Blackwell.

Eilish continues to Del Rey, “I really don’t like being—I was going to say out of control, but there’s ways that I do like being out of control. I have a power issue and a control issue, and I also don’t like being vulnerable in a romantic way. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I don’t know how many times I’ve really been in love. I think there’s different versions of love, and I think that you can be in love and it might not be deep.” 

Although she has been ghosted before, Eilish reveals that she no one has ever broken up with her. 

“I’ve never been dumped, and also, I’ve never been broken up with,” she says. “I’ve only done the breaking up.”

Del Rey suspects that could come from Eilish running from relationships.

“For sure,” Eilish agrees. “And I think when people hear that, they’re like, ‘Oh, all you do is break hearts.’ Sure, but that doesn’t mean that people are totally innocent. It means that I was like, ‘Oh, let me get the f**k out of here.’ Or it means things just weren’t right.”

Eilish believes that breaking up with someone can be harder than being dumped.

“Now some of y’all about to be real mad at me, but I do believe that breaking up with someone versus being broken up with—obviously being broken up with hurts like hell, especially when you don’t see it coming and you wanted a future and it’s taken out of your hands. But honestly, the pain of knowing that you have to end something with somebody that you genuinely love is so horrible,” Eilish says.

She adds, “And you don’t get to even have the, like, ‘I got dumped, so f**k you guys. I get to go crazy and have a reaction and be mad at you. And I get to make you into an enemy, because you broke up with me.’ You can’t do that. You can’t become a victim.”

Eilish says that her closed-off nature in relationships is reflected a lot in her recent release.

“I come off as a person that doesn’t care,” she says. “I care about people and I have love and passion, but in relationships, I found myself never ever expressing any of my needs.”

“It was interesting to notice I was doing that, and that’s what these lyrics are about,” she tells Del Rey. “It’s almost like I resent myself for not advocating for myself, because maybe if I had, things would’ve changed. But I’ve always had an issue with weakness.”

Eilish explains to the “Summertime Sadness” singer that she “would rather suffer in silence” than to share what’s bothering her out of fear of people coming to the conclusion that she’s weak or sensitive.

“It’s interesting to be a person who isn’t an outwardly sensitive complainer,” Eilish continues. “A lot of moments on this album are about situations where I was like, ‘I’d rather be tortured inside but have somebody think that I’m cool, than have somebody think that I’m hysterical and actually express my feelings.’ So many songs on this album reflect that realization of, like, ‘Maybe I’m obsessed with the idea of nonchalance.'”

But Eilish shared what’s on her mind on her third album. She was vulnerable on many of its tracks, including getting candid about liking girls in the racy song “Lunch,” which Del Rey brought up.

“I’m pretty aware of what people will say,” Eilish says. “It’s so weird to grow up and change in front of the world. The craziest part is discovering things about myself and then suddenly, everyone else knows, and I don’t even have a second to think about how it makes me feel.”

Eilish says it’s “frustrating” to grow up in front of the world, something Del Rey said she could relate to. Eilish continued to detail how one of the most difficult and anxiety-inducing parts of fame is being unable to defend or explain yourself.

“I’m like, ‘Dude, imagine everyone in the world heard a rumor about you and it’s either not true or it’s explained out of context,'” she says. “And my want and need to explain myself, I have found to be extremely damaging to my life and my sense of self.”

She adds, “Every time I’ve gotten past the point of frustration and end up explaining myself, it’s only gotten worse. That caused me to prematurely state things that I don’t even feel confident or comfortable knowing about myself. And suddenly, I’m saying them publicly, and everyone’s like, ‘Oh, that’s who she is.’ And I’m like, ‘You are making me feel like I am not allowed to grow and change.’ It’s so f**king scary, because everything is written in stone.”

This interview comes just over a year after Del Rey was Interview‘s cover star to promote her album, Did You Know That There’s a Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd, and Eilish conducted the interview.

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